so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
