found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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