so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
