Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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