everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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