we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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