My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
