So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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