I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
smell my finger.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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