OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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