Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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