Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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