as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she peed on how many people?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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