the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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