Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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