Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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