were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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