Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
