Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
