after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
