her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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