im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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