escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
