awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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