woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
