piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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