I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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