How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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