you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
