ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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