Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
