Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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