saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
