Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize