At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
