Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
