well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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