you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
