how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
