This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
