The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This can only be settled by a dance off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
