would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
