so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
id be glad to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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