I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Gay?
German.
Pity.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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