You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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