the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
