i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
