He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
