Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
