I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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