I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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