"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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