Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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