So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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