I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
