fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
