She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
