Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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