I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
