his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
