you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
