I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
