My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
