Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
