I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell