I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?