Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
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I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.