I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
