God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
