A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
