Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize